Soccer...soccer...soccer

My youngest, Torie, is in the white. Her team is a U14 team going against U16 players. She is the 2nd fastest on the team and the toughest especially for only being 5 foot tall.
See what I mean.

She is in a soft brace right now because she broke her Left growth plate in her wrist but because it is a soft bone the injury is far less painful and severe as a regular fracture.

He usually plays center mid position but they needed his great goalie skills!
My son Brandon played Goalie for my daughter's U19 team
My daughter Christine is #4 in the blue jersy and my son is the goalie. # 10 never made it to the goal!
Christine is rockin!

Firey fun

Roasting Marshmallows one by one

Laughing, loving, having fun.

Bringing in the season of fall

camping trips and hay rides for all.

Colors change and temperatures drop

but outdoor fun we will not stop.

The other night the weather was cold so I decided to have a fire in the fire pit so we could roast marshmallows. The kids really had a good time doing this. I took some really crazy pictures!

Let's all take the time to remember those who lost their lives and loved ones as well as those affected by this tragic event in anyway. Over 3000 people lost their lives 7 years ago. For those not affected, it is so easy to forget and move on, but for others the memory haunts them every single day and some are unable to 'move on' from it.

'Untitled' 8 1/2 X 11 Canvas board

I used a pallet knife to carve out the tree. Not sure at all what to title this...have any ideas??

Started classes again this semester and enrolled in two upper level Psych classes...dang man--i have not taken psych classes since 04 and now i am hurting. I am feeling quite dumb to info that I should 'know/remember/have learned' because some things are re-iterating certain concepts and theories. So I am stressed about the fact that I will have to work extra hard to get through these classes and get the previous class books to refer back to. Needless to say this will leave hardly any extra 'I gotta paint or draw to relieve my stress and frustration' time.

In a world of such extreme uncertainty

Being certain of who we are,

While having the strength and character to firmly stand by that

With unyielding conviction and honest dedication,

Will guide you on your true path

Saturday Sunrise...monologue

I wrote this for Pride week here in Huntsville, unfortunately I was at Knoxville for soccer tournaments so I was unable to see it being acted out, hopefully I can watch the filming of it if the guy will ever email me back.
It is called Saturday Sunrise.

SETTING: Park Bench
TIME OF DAY: Morning, as the sun is coming up
CHARACTERS: 1 Male; age 35-50
Prologue: Joe’s partner, Evan, died 6 months ago from his long battle with AIDS. Joe has been having a difficult time with losing him and dealing with the fact that he is not only alone but needs to move on with his life without Evan. He has been struggling with letting go and allowing his friends to help him deal with this struggle.
Joe and Evan used to have coffee in the morning while sitting on the park bench across the street from their apartment watching the sun rise. Today, for the first time, he decides to watch the sunrise alone. The significance of this is Joe and Evan believes that the energy within us is from the sun and moon. Nature is their higher power. They use to talk to nature along with the sun and the moon to not only reflect on life but to acquire more positive energy when they feel too much negative energy within them.
As he sprinkles Evans ashes around ‘their’ park bench Joe reflects upon life and Evan’s death and the negative energy he has been carrying.

“Evan always used to tell me that no matter how bad we think we have it, there will always be someone else that has it worse. I really try to imagine this to be true but all I think about is losing Evan. He was the most positive loving person I knew and without him I am not sure how I can become so positive again about life. The last months of his life although vulnerable and frightened Evan stayed positive and optimistic, even down to the final hours. He would tell me ‘Joe, its okay. I will be with the heavens and the earth waiting for you to join me; waiting for you to make me laugh again.’ He put me on a pedestal and treated me better than anyone had ever treated me, while for so long I was ashamed of my sexuality and committing my life to his. I never told my parents about Evan and me, I thought that their approval was more important than my happiness and the acceptance of my own identity. Evan didn’t care what people thought. Why couldn’t I have been like that, why did I have to hide how much we loved each other to the only family I had? Why did I not have the strength to do that, can you tell me this? Yet he respected me enough to not badger me about it, he respected me enough to give me the time I needed while all along I would get annoyed with his ‘outness’. I used to think ‘How can it not bother you? How can you not care what people think in this world of hate?’ You know what he would say to me? ‘Joe, no matter what people think or feel about our relationship or the fact that I am gay I don’t care and do you know why…because if it wasn’t that it would be something else. The one’s who matter the most are the ones that love and respect me no matter what I am or am not and to me that is all that matters and that should be all that matters to you too because even if no one liked us then the most important thing is that I still have you.’ Isn’t that amazing? Evan was always an amazing person. He loved like no one loved, he had a heart bigger than anyone I knew but never really believed it. He was just the kind of person to be himself and enjoy every possible moment of his life that he could. He thought it was important to help others who could not help themselves just to see the smile on their faces. I stopped helping others like I did when we were together. Damn that is so fucking selfish of me to stop helping people who need it. But what about ME, where is my help, why hasn’t anyone reached out to help me through all of this? Or have they and I just didn’t want to see it or accept it? Wow, have I really shut myself out that much to everyone? What have I done to myself, where have I taken myself? I can’t help how I react to things, can I. I have always closed myself off when something tragic happens. When my brother died of cancer when I was younger, I shut down for a long time. That was about the same time I was going to come out to my family; my ex-military, Baptist family. Oh my what a combination that would have been losing one son then having one ‘decide’ they are gay, so essentially (I thought) in their eyes they would be losing both of their sons. I couldn’t have that; I couldn’t do that to my parents. So I held it in like always. I was good at doing that, good at not always showing my true feelings to people, especially if it meant hurting others. Evan was the one person whom I could really trust enough to see all of me, besides he helped me be able to allow myself to open up. Growing up we weren’t really allowed to, we weren’t allowed to give our opinion about important things unless our parents asked for it. So I learned to not have too many of them; it became second nature. I became the ‘quiet one’ the one with the good grades and the one that always did what my parents told me to do; Heaven forbid I went against them and the church by being….gay. Hell, now I think I am the one that no one knows anymore because I have given up on life.
Evan would not like this at all. I know exactly what he would say to me right now if he were here, he would say, ‘My gosh Joe look at you, you are a mess. You need to stop sulking and get busy with things. Just because I lost my fight in life doesn’t mean you need to stop fighting for yours; so go buy a dog or something.’ He is right you know; as always. He always knew what to say to help me when I had a hard time with things. I don’t think there is another man out there like that at all. I think he was definitely the one perfect human on this earth and I was the one blessed to be paired with him for 15 years. How the hell did I get so lucky? Funny, he always asked how he was so lucky to have me. Haha, must have been the illness because I know damn well there was better out there. Guess that is what made us a perfect pair. “
“I remember the time when Evan asked me to be his life partner, May 8th, 1996. He made me my favorite chocolate cake and put a candle in it. He brought it over to me unlit and handed it to me. I asked him what we were celebrating and why it wasn’t lit. Evan sat next to me on the couch and said-‘Joe, I was thinking about us and about what we have shared together the last 4 years and have come to the conclusion that my life is not complete without you. As much as we have been through I know we can make it through much more and still carry on.’ Then he lit the candle. ‘Joe, will you allow me to be your life partner and commit myself to being only yours?’ Well of course I said yes to him, I would have been an idiot not to. Then he said, ‘That is what we have to celebrate.’ And we blew out the candle together. Even though he is no longer here in the physical form I know that we are still eternal partners so I need to carry on so that my spirit will be paired with him when I pass over. “
“So now I must look deep into myself and allow this positive light to shine through for not only me but for Evan too. This is a new day, a new start, a new life. I must let go of the hurt and pain and hold on to what I still have in life. I will keep his memory and love in my heart and carry on his way of thinking to get me through. I will open myself back up to the energies of life and friendship and love from those around me. “
(Evan gets out his phone and dials a number)

‘Hi Tonya, it’s Joe’
(pause)
‘I know and I am sorry, can we meet somewhere?’
(pause)
‘Sitting on our park bench thinking about life and what a mess I have made of it since Evan left’
(pause)
‘I am going to try, really I am
(pause)
‘ok, coffee sounds perfect see you in about 10 minutes.’

(Joe gets up and leaves the park, looks up at the sun and says) I can do this, I know I can…
THE END…..

My son, Brandon is the tall one in the striped uniform that headed the ball out of the goal. He can jump!!
They took 1st place at the tournaments!
That is my daughter--she is a ball of muscle!
Can you tell who belongs to me? :) My team!

I am proud of all the teams from madison that went. Our team did not place but that is a long story really. My son's team deserved to take 1st place. Everyone worked so hard. We all had a wonderful time and cannot wait until next years tournament. Because of the hell our team went through this year we are glad that the tournaments will be held here in Huntsville/Madison the next two years. The Knoxville staff is going to see how a tournament staff should be like and how a tournament really should be run. And when the AYSO moto is 'For the Kids'..they are going to see what that REALLY means! Anyway...don't want to go on a tyrant again. --As much fun as it was I am glad it is over!

Stormy weather

Pencil drawing 8X10.

The weather was so bad today, even hailed some. The rain and wind was really strong and loud. I don't like lightening and thunder because of the noise and the flashing. I did okay with it though.

My daughter's friends wanted to watch me draw something and I was planning just sketching something, although I am so not a sketch artist, but then they saw a picture in my files of this lion and instisted I draw it...so it took a little while, but I did it.

I would so love to learn the skill of being a sketch artist. That would be so cool to just sketch something really quick and have it actually look like something rather than a scribbled mess. It takes me a while to do something, although not as long as it would take others I suppose.

The weather is supposed to be more spring like tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. This is the 3rd weekend that I thought someone was coming to pick up and purchase some of my paintings, but yet again I think it is being postponed. I really need the money since i am still unemployed and it is driving me crazy. I hope she comes tomorrow.

'Last Road Home' WIP...

"Last Road Home"...not done yet, but getting there. My friend's girlfriend is a composer and one of her songs was titled "Long Road Home' and instantly this image came to my head so I started painting it the next day...So far I like it...and since I am so new to oils I have redone some things and wasted a lot of paint too...that is the part I hate. I have no clue how much paint to use so I end up using too much. One day I will get it all right.

I chose the fall trees because fall has the most beautiful colors associated with it. I love the weather and the colors of the trees and the feeling in the air. I know that spring is approaching and I love spring as well, but it is more common for people to paint spring and summer time over fall time.

Children

Pencil drawing of my nephew Tristan's feet held in his father's hands. This was on of my favorite pieces to draw.

Isn't life so precious? How fast it passes us by, how for granted we really take it.

This was done when Tristan was only a couple months old. They will never be this size again. Babies grow up so quickly and right before our eyes they grow up to be men and women that we have tried to mold into something wonderful and amazing.

My children are 16, 15 and 13 now. They are growing up so quickly. They are amazing teenagers and beautiful people with such potential for their future. I long for the day where they succeed further in life and can truly know that they have created a happiness for themselves and know that what they have done has gotten them there. They are very intelligent and athletic people and have so much to offer the world and I don't even think they realize just how much either. One day they will take the world in their hands and have children of their own to mold and teach and raise and what a blessing that will be.

We all must learn to never take our children for granted. We must always remember that we are who they learn and model from. Let them live and make choices for themselves and know and learn who THEY are as a human. We are here to guide them not control them, we are here to assist them and provide information and help to them, we are here to apply those band-aids where ever they are needed...but we must let them fall and make mistakes and bad decisions in order for them to learn and grow from this as well. Love your children and let them know everyday that you love them and mean something to you because before you know it, they will be gone.

Differences

"Differences' 8X10 oil.
Life as we see it is so different. What one sees another doesn't and how one sees things another sees it differently, much like art. These don't look like daisies are supposed to look, but how are they really supposed to look? How is anything really supposed to look..perfect? If everything was perfect then there would be nothing to strive for in life, nothing to make better, or nothing to change. Would we want life like that, I know I wouldn't. It would be too predictable, boring and monotonous.
Try to look at things in life whether they are objects or instances and try to find the imperfections in them that make them that much better. Try not to look at those imperfections as flaws rather as postive aspects in order to give us the opportunity to realize that nothing can or will be perfect which leaves the door open for change and growth.

Working with Oils

'Freedom' 16X20 oil.
I am so new to using oils but figured it was time for me to really teach myself how to use them since a friend of mine uses them so much and loves them. It is inspiring me to really try them more. This is a dark picture because it is rainy here, will have to take another one later.

I got a call this morning for a potential job. It has been since Oct that I have been out of work. Raising kids on unemployment is practically impossible so I desperately NEED this job. It is good money so it will definitely help us get back on our feet again. I am hoping hoping my skills will land me at least an interview.

Catching up

I wish it were spring time here. We had a bout of it this past weekend and it felt so wonderful outside, we were in shorts. I got a bit of spring fever and really got a lot accomplished and was proud of myself because I refinished the top of my table and it looks amazing now!

This is titled "Saturday Sunrise" used oils, tissue paper and sculpting putty to make this. It has many textures to it which make it more 3 dimentional.

I have not updated this in quite a long time and I am not really sure why. The last few months have taken me on a whirlwind of pure craziness. So much has happened in my life and now it is totally taken it's toll on me. I am trying to work through this depression that has succumbed me and being that I have suffered from depression since I was a child, this is sometimes difficult. Usually though I can overcome it, however the last 6 months have been so overwhelming that I am having a difficult time with it.
I have been painting to help me get my mind off of everything that has been going on...well it doesn't help. I will update later with some pictures as soon as I take them and download them onto my computer.