Saturday Sunrise...monologue

I wrote this for Pride week here in Huntsville, unfortunately I was at Knoxville for soccer tournaments so I was unable to see it being acted out, hopefully I can watch the filming of it if the guy will ever email me back.
It is called Saturday Sunrise.

SETTING: Park Bench
TIME OF DAY: Morning, as the sun is coming up
CHARACTERS: 1 Male; age 35-50
Prologue: Joe’s partner, Evan, died 6 months ago from his long battle with AIDS. Joe has been having a difficult time with losing him and dealing with the fact that he is not only alone but needs to move on with his life without Evan. He has been struggling with letting go and allowing his friends to help him deal with this struggle.
Joe and Evan used to have coffee in the morning while sitting on the park bench across the street from their apartment watching the sun rise. Today, for the first time, he decides to watch the sunrise alone. The significance of this is Joe and Evan believes that the energy within us is from the sun and moon. Nature is their higher power. They use to talk to nature along with the sun and the moon to not only reflect on life but to acquire more positive energy when they feel too much negative energy within them.
As he sprinkles Evans ashes around ‘their’ park bench Joe reflects upon life and Evan’s death and the negative energy he has been carrying.

“Evan always used to tell me that no matter how bad we think we have it, there will always be someone else that has it worse. I really try to imagine this to be true but all I think about is losing Evan. He was the most positive loving person I knew and without him I am not sure how I can become so positive again about life. The last months of his life although vulnerable and frightened Evan stayed positive and optimistic, even down to the final hours. He would tell me ‘Joe, its okay. I will be with the heavens and the earth waiting for you to join me; waiting for you to make me laugh again.’ He put me on a pedestal and treated me better than anyone had ever treated me, while for so long I was ashamed of my sexuality and committing my life to his. I never told my parents about Evan and me, I thought that their approval was more important than my happiness and the acceptance of my own identity. Evan didn’t care what people thought. Why couldn’t I have been like that, why did I have to hide how much we loved each other to the only family I had? Why did I not have the strength to do that, can you tell me this? Yet he respected me enough to not badger me about it, he respected me enough to give me the time I needed while all along I would get annoyed with his ‘outness’. I used to think ‘How can it not bother you? How can you not care what people think in this world of hate?’ You know what he would say to me? ‘Joe, no matter what people think or feel about our relationship or the fact that I am gay I don’t care and do you know why…because if it wasn’t that it would be something else. The one’s who matter the most are the ones that love and respect me no matter what I am or am not and to me that is all that matters and that should be all that matters to you too because even if no one liked us then the most important thing is that I still have you.’ Isn’t that amazing? Evan was always an amazing person. He loved like no one loved, he had a heart bigger than anyone I knew but never really believed it. He was just the kind of person to be himself and enjoy every possible moment of his life that he could. He thought it was important to help others who could not help themselves just to see the smile on their faces. I stopped helping others like I did when we were together. Damn that is so fucking selfish of me to stop helping people who need it. But what about ME, where is my help, why hasn’t anyone reached out to help me through all of this? Or have they and I just didn’t want to see it or accept it? Wow, have I really shut myself out that much to everyone? What have I done to myself, where have I taken myself? I can’t help how I react to things, can I. I have always closed myself off when something tragic happens. When my brother died of cancer when I was younger, I shut down for a long time. That was about the same time I was going to come out to my family; my ex-military, Baptist family. Oh my what a combination that would have been losing one son then having one ‘decide’ they are gay, so essentially (I thought) in their eyes they would be losing both of their sons. I couldn’t have that; I couldn’t do that to my parents. So I held it in like always. I was good at doing that, good at not always showing my true feelings to people, especially if it meant hurting others. Evan was the one person whom I could really trust enough to see all of me, besides he helped me be able to allow myself to open up. Growing up we weren’t really allowed to, we weren’t allowed to give our opinion about important things unless our parents asked for it. So I learned to not have too many of them; it became second nature. I became the ‘quiet one’ the one with the good grades and the one that always did what my parents told me to do; Heaven forbid I went against them and the church by being….gay. Hell, now I think I am the one that no one knows anymore because I have given up on life.
Evan would not like this at all. I know exactly what he would say to me right now if he were here, he would say, ‘My gosh Joe look at you, you are a mess. You need to stop sulking and get busy with things. Just because I lost my fight in life doesn’t mean you need to stop fighting for yours; so go buy a dog or something.’ He is right you know; as always. He always knew what to say to help me when I had a hard time with things. I don’t think there is another man out there like that at all. I think he was definitely the one perfect human on this earth and I was the one blessed to be paired with him for 15 years. How the hell did I get so lucky? Funny, he always asked how he was so lucky to have me. Haha, must have been the illness because I know damn well there was better out there. Guess that is what made us a perfect pair. “
“I remember the time when Evan asked me to be his life partner, May 8th, 1996. He made me my favorite chocolate cake and put a candle in it. He brought it over to me unlit and handed it to me. I asked him what we were celebrating and why it wasn’t lit. Evan sat next to me on the couch and said-‘Joe, I was thinking about us and about what we have shared together the last 4 years and have come to the conclusion that my life is not complete without you. As much as we have been through I know we can make it through much more and still carry on.’ Then he lit the candle. ‘Joe, will you allow me to be your life partner and commit myself to being only yours?’ Well of course I said yes to him, I would have been an idiot not to. Then he said, ‘That is what we have to celebrate.’ And we blew out the candle together. Even though he is no longer here in the physical form I know that we are still eternal partners so I need to carry on so that my spirit will be paired with him when I pass over. “
“So now I must look deep into myself and allow this positive light to shine through for not only me but for Evan too. This is a new day, a new start, a new life. I must let go of the hurt and pain and hold on to what I still have in life. I will keep his memory and love in my heart and carry on his way of thinking to get me through. I will open myself back up to the energies of life and friendship and love from those around me. “
(Evan gets out his phone and dials a number)

‘Hi Tonya, it’s Joe’
(pause)
‘I know and I am sorry, can we meet somewhere?’
(pause)
‘Sitting on our park bench thinking about life and what a mess I have made of it since Evan left’
(pause)
‘I am going to try, really I am
(pause)
‘ok, coffee sounds perfect see you in about 10 minutes.’

(Joe gets up and leaves the park, looks up at the sun and says) I can do this, I know I can…
THE END…..

My son, Brandon is the tall one in the striped uniform that headed the ball out of the goal. He can jump!!
They took 1st place at the tournaments!
That is my daughter--she is a ball of muscle!
Can you tell who belongs to me? :) My team!

I am proud of all the teams from madison that went. Our team did not place but that is a long story really. My son's team deserved to take 1st place. Everyone worked so hard. We all had a wonderful time and cannot wait until next years tournament. Because of the hell our team went through this year we are glad that the tournaments will be held here in Huntsville/Madison the next two years. The Knoxville staff is going to see how a tournament staff should be like and how a tournament really should be run. And when the AYSO moto is 'For the Kids'..they are going to see what that REALLY means! Anyway...don't want to go on a tyrant again. --As much fun as it was I am glad it is over!